The book offers solutions so that we can live the life we want without fear getting in the way. The author proves that it is the way we see the world that determines reality, and taking responsibility for our work will be the way for people to enjoy life to the fullest.
You should read this book if:
- Want to know how to deal with fear most effectively?
- You want to be a happy, positive and dedicated person to life.
Brief information about the author
Susan Jeffers is an American psychologist, public speaker, and author who has published numerous books on fear.
Get rid of fear
“The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to be determined to try it.”
There are many types of fear, and there is one fear that is so simple yet so powerful: Fear of not being able to do something, fear of not being able to handle it alone when a teammate gives up, fear that without enough income won't solve the problem, etc. The most basic thing to do is to believe that you can handle anything that comes your way, good or bad. It sounds cliché, but Jeffers has shown that fear is a matter of training and learning, not a psychological problem as we often think. So we need to understand that fear is part of growing up, and from there we keep trying.
“The less you need someone's approval, the more you can love that person.”
Always ready for what happens
Unlike others, Jeffers does not say that people can completely control their lives, because everything happens for a reason that sometimes we do not understand. In order not to be overwhelmed by fear, we need to accept it. This method can not only be applied to small things like losing a wallet, but also to serious difficulties and suffering. If we simply think positively, the fear may not go away. However, if we don't deny its inevitable appearance, seeing it as part of life's experience, then fear will no longer have any power. Jeffers mentioned Viktor Frankl's concentration camp in his book "Finding a reason to live", where people have to endure extremely harsh and miserable living conditions. But behind that barbed wire fence, the author can still find people who calmly accept reality and take responsibility for it instead of weakly giving up.
When it comes to life responsibilities, we often think of a chain of jobs that includes going to school, getting a job, finding a partner, and getting married. However, Jeffers' point of view is similar to Emerson's, which is independence. That means we are responsible for the way we see life. For example, if you hate your job, create something to renew it, or quit!
“Taking responsibility means you don't blame anyone else for what you are doing, experiencing, or feeling.”
Why do positive thoughts work?
People often say, positive thinking is encouraging, but it doesn't reflect reality, because it's too "illusory". Jeffers asked again: Even if research has shown that 90% of the things we worry about don't happen, is negative thinking more realistic than positive thinking? In fact, what is considered "reality" depends on how we control our thoughts.
Positive thinking may not help us get rid of the problem, but because of it, our response will be different. Instead of complaining, we'll take it as a valuable lesson. But what about serious events like contracting a serious illness? The author says that perspective changed everything during her time with cancer. If we applied this rule to serious cases, there would be no excuse for overreacting every day. We like to argue with things and take things seriously, but as Jeffers points out, this makes us a lot weaker.
There is a very effective but often overlooked way to maintain a positive mindset, and that is to practice it regularly. Even famous inspirational people like Susan Jeffers have to strengthen their spirits every day.
We can't help but eat breakfast, exercise, hug our kids every day, so why not consider practicing positive thinking as an indispensable habit? The author suggests choosing inspirational books to read every day. That habit will bring unexpected effects, not only to each individual but also to those around them. Jot down your inspirational quotes on small pieces of paper and stick them in plain sight. Such small daily positives will gradually become closer to reality.
“Always remember that, behind every fear, is a lack of confidence in yourself.”
"Programming the Subconscious"
You can be sure that whatever exists in our subconscious will soon manifest in real life. Therefore, it is extremely important to control your own thoughts. The most powerful tool for creating change and overcoming fear, which requires effort and courage, is consistency. Jeffers defines it as the state of mind that is assertive about what's going on. Motivational statements like, "I won't blame myself anymore" won't help. These should be statements that are both positive but also realistic, such as “I am always a confident person in every situation”. You don't have to believe that statement completely, as long as it becomes your mantra. The human brain will react to whatever information is entered, whether it is true or not. So, We can choose between hearing trivia, inaccuracies, or listening to our own higher consciousness.
A few helpful tips:
We have a lot of time. The biggest trap in life is impatience. It's just our way of torturing ourselves, causing stress, fear. Anyone must be aware that whatever happens, there are always hidden mysteries that cannot be seen immediately.
To always make the right choices: Stop thinking that everyone has only one way to go, either right or wrong. We have many opportunities to reach the finish line and are no longer tied to a certain outcome.
Don't be afraid to fail! Remember that even the best baseball pitcher has missed 400 shots. So always have fun because you've gained more experience anyway. As long as you tried your best, it was considered a success.
Summary
In this book, the author mentioned many truths about fear. The most impressive thing is #5: “Living under the fear that comes from feeling powerless is far scarier than overcoming them.”
Those who never dare to take risks will always keep a watchful eye on the worry that something bad is about to happen. They seek protection from those around them, but the end result is just a lingering feeling of insecurity. It's so much easier to try new experiences. If you always bring challenges into your life, you'll always have peace of mind knowing that you'll be able to handle any problems that come your way.
An upright and proud soul is a typical model for "understanding fear". Straightforwardness is the key to the book. It will erase the feeling of loneliness in us, which is mainly created by fear.
Are you embarrassed to go buy a self-help book? Let's "understand that fear" and overcome it!
